A woman who does not need validation
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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Approval junkies: Always looking for validationContent:
- Why ‘A Real Woman’ Doesn’t Need Your Approval
- How To Be A Dangerous Woman
- The psychology behind seeking validation (and Why YOU need it?)
- The Woman Who Does Not Require Validation from Anyone Is the Most Feared Individual On the Planet
- Hey there, I’m Sim
- The Woman Who Doesnt Need Validation
- The Woman Who Does Not Require Validation
- Tactics Tuesdays: Pick Up and Emotional Validation
Why ‘A Real Woman’ Doesn’t Need Your Approval
When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become stuck and fixated on that person. Usually when this happens, our interest in this person turns into a fevered obsession and we go to great lengths to get them to notice us. We will engage in shape shifting behaviours, where we stop being ourselves and try to turn into whatever we think they might like best.
We will jump through hoop after hoop hoping to demonstrate just how special and unique we are, so that they will change their minds about us. Why do we do this? Is it because, if we actually get them to change their minds about us then that somehow proves our worth?
I told you I was right about me. When we look to others to show us our worth, they are always going to fall short. When we have low self-esteem we have become so comfortable with our own negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves that we will actually seek out people and situations that confirm those beliefs. We have become so used to the idea that love equals pain and that what we are calling love is actually us seeking validation and begging to have someone show us our worth.
If someone healthy did show up in our lives that was interested in us and was offering us the relationship that we claim we want, we would run like hell, because it goes against everything that we believe about ourselves and we would feel incredibly uncomfortable. So instead we inadvertently seek out people that evoke those feelings of unworthiness in us.
It becomes a never ending cycle and you may go from relationship to relationship and find your-self in the same situation, with the same guy, who just happens to have a different face.
You teach people how to treat you, so start treating you right. When you change the way that you feel about you, you will stop seeking validation and relationships from unwilling sources. They are too busy living their lives … next.
Yes… this is why I am content to be alone. I may slip into the game, occasionally, of thinking my sense of worth is in the eye of others, but essentially I am much happier in my solitude rather than attempting to gain the love and affection of another, which ultimately, is based on ego in most people… which seeks to validate itself through others.
Validation through others is an illusion we tell ourselves, when we experience each other through the filter of ego, because we do not know how to see through the eyes of spirit. This takes work and effort to heal oneself from those things that caused us to move into any egoic pattern where we seek to be seen by others.
Seeing self and seeing others through the eyes of spirit is tricky without this healing and without the discipline of meditation and mindfulness.
But it is possible. I decided to get healthy and lose weight. My husband lacks in the attention Dept. Anyway planning on getting a tattoo of celebration of weight loss journey, my husband suggested looking on IG for ideas.
But then here it came again.. Talk about strangulation…. I can only hope to be able to validate myself! Before I turn Thank you.. I really needed to hear this..
How can we help build each other up and work on our self esteem as a group exercises and not just talking about it such as meet up fir walks , meet to go bowling , learn to get back into ourselves. I am an introvert person and I need to come out if this shell and meet different people we can all help one another..
You posted this SIX years ago but this was rlly helpful as I just found out today on my own about this i read an article about smth else and they mentioned this in afew words and i realized that i was doing it too … And it helped me understand more.. Could not have said it better myself. This is exactly what I do and feel. This will help me better communicate to my therapist so that she can help me set healthy boundaries and start living for myself I stead of pleasing others.
Thank you for this post! This just happened to me for the first time. But I became depressed when I was hit with some news a few years back, and this girl came along. She was just a friend and then it grew. I denied it at first as she fell for me, then I fell for her and she ran. The recipe was perfect for me. Challenge mixed with passion! So me being ambitious chased. It was like the notebook.
But then it turned ugly when she rejected me for another guy. So I immediately stop talking to her. She gets mad and ask why do I care and why am I not talking to her. The girl is crazy! I was weak because I was depressed so I gave another chance and she did it again. I cold turkey it! No communication for a year and works in the same area as me.
She looks all sad like I broke her heart?!?! So I let it go and talk to her last week. Like why does it matter so much that I talk to her, when she clearly disses me.
Leave these types of people alone when it comes to love. Just be friends and leave it at that. Wish I had found this 2 years ago. Thanks for this. Fantastic article and so poignant for my current situation. Thank you Savannah for all your posts- in some cases they are life-savers. Great post, but still a bit confused..
I feel I am okay with myself but every time I see someone beautiful or someone who is interested in me.. I will go for them…. He is rich and well-bred. I am not rich. He emotionally drains me. I know it. But I always give him the benefit of doubt. I compare myself to him. Why would anyone entertain such a bully? But I have the following in my defense, — His father has recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness, so he cries to me and i feel as a human i must hear him out.
So the next time he calls for emotional support which would basically be a booty call, how do I protect myself from psychological abuse and still be a good human to him? I want to be able to NOT want him or need him. I want my self esteem back like I had before we met.
I was happy before him, why cant I be happy now. When one has stronger feeling for the other then this is not a friendship. You are the underdog. He has the power. We learn the hard way. These are great, spot-on points. I have struggled with this most of might life.
I am very aware of it. I have been working on trying to like myself with only small, short-term successes. Yes, I was seeking validation, of my worth, through his love. When I felt loved by him, I was radiant… everyone commented. I am no doormat… I thought anyways that I had a good sense of self-worth. I am well-read. I meditate, exercise, and know a heck of a lot about psychology.
But I got duped. Despite previous work , I see I never actually gave myself permission to really love myself. I should have punched him in the face, instead of scratching my head wondering why he had changed. Learning so much from this blog, thank you so much.
This blog truly is a service. After this trauma I am walking away realizing that self-love and respect is no luxury or self-indulgence somehow I think I learned that it is a protective factor and also our birthright. I will absolutely drop kick anyone who ever tries to me feel bad about myself.
I somehow agree to an extent with this article and there are points that I feel are off base , not everyone shape shifts their personality to obtain validation , at times one can genuinely be themselves and seek validation in a relationship. Sacha I agree with your comment to an extent but I feel much of it is off base.
How To Be A Dangerous Woman
Speak your heart out. Trying to please people will drain your energy. Mark questioned if the food will be good. Neither of us had tried the food at this place before.
We are furthering our struggle with inequality — we shift the focus of our fight from becoming our own world, to instead becoming the moon that revolves around men. We further our inferiority by allowing men to find power in the ability to validate our various traits, qualities and alcohol preferences. Equality is the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities; equity is the quality of being fair and impartial. Instead of wanting the same rights as men, feminism should want rights appropriate for women as they are given to men — feminism should want impartiality. If we continue to strive for everything men have, we lose sight of our goal of being recognized as an entity: women will constantly be compared to men.
The psychology behind seeking validation (and Why YOU need it?)
A reader writes in, on the topic of emotional validation :. Maybe you call it something different but I was talking to a female friend of mine and she brought something up that seemed similar to it. I was telling her about how I and my pops were watching a Laker game and my mom kept bringing up how "she needs to get her work done. After a while I barked back "well go do it then. So, after the game ended I talked to her about it and she was telling me how I could have said "I know you gotta get your work done but how about you relax with us and watch the game and then go start on the work afterwards? Now as soon as I heard her say that I immediately thought validation. I'm validating that thought or feeling by giving that response.
The Woman Who Does Not Require Validation from Anyone Is the Most Feared Individual On the Planet
I have lost count of the amount of times I've been told that I am "too assertive". It starts off with friendly smile and a seemingly caring comment about how what I am saying is correct, but how I express it is the problem. I have thought a lot about how I can alleviate my methodology of communication so I do not come off as "assertive" and I've wondered about why it is even a problem in the first place. It took me a long time to realise that my confidence is not the problem; society is.
I imagine this is true. The woman who is so content within herself as not to need any validation from anyone sounds pretty scary. I also imagine her to be quite tired and a bit bitchy, because faking that kind of confidence takes a lot of energy.
Hey there, I’m Sim
I wrote this in response to a post from David at How to Beast. I had this problem myself for many years. Mainly, you care too much about the opinions of other people. Not only their opinions, but their approval.
Some of us care way too much about what other people think of us. We could all learn to care a little bit less about the opinion of others. You march to the beat of your own drum. You do things your way, and people either love that quality in you, or they hate it. It seems as if nothing gets you down. Part of your allure is that you only let select people into your life.
The Woman Who Doesnt Need Validation
When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become stuck and fixated on that person. Usually when this happens, our interest in this person turns into a fevered obsession and we go to great lengths to get them to notice us. We will engage in shape shifting behaviours, where we stop being ourselves and try to turn into whatever we think they might like best. We will jump through hoop after hoop hoping to demonstrate just how special and unique we are, so that they will change their minds about us. Why do we do this?
- Шестьсот сорок семь ссылок на уран, плутоний и атомные бомбы. Похоже, это то, что нам. Сьюзан открыла один из каналов. На экране высветилось предупреждение: Информация, содержащаяся в этом файле, предназначена исключительно для научного использования.
The Woman Who Does Not Require Validation
- Весь мой план рухнет. Должен быть какой-то другой выход. - Решайте! - крикнул Хейл и потащил Сьюзан к лестнице. Стратмор его не слушал.
Tactics Tuesdays: Pick Up and Emotional Validation
ГЛАВА 77 Стратмор остановился на площадке у своего кабинета, держа перед собой пистолет. Сьюзан шла следом за ним, размышляя, по-прежнему ли Хейл прячется в Третьем узле. Свет от монитора Стратмора отбрасывал на них жутковатую тень.
Сьюзан старалась держаться поближе к шефу на небольшой платформе с металлическими поручнями.
- Я… я не могу. Дэвид даже вздрогнул.
Сьюзан ни слова не сказала об истинной причине своей беседы с Дэвидом Беккером - о том, что она собиралась предложить ему место в Отделе азиатской криптографии. Судя по той увлеченности, с которой молодой профессор говорил о преподавательской работе, из университета он не уйдет.
Сьюзан решила не заводить деловых разговоров, чтобы не портить настроение ни ему ни. Она снова почувствовала себя школьницей. Это чувство было очень приятно, ничто не должно было его омрачить.
Подобно айсбергу машина скрывала девяносто процентов своей массы и мощи под поверхностью. Ее секрет был спрятан в керамических шахтах, уходивших на шесть этажей вниз; ее похожий на ракету корпус окружал лабиринт подвесных лесов и кабелей, из-под которых слышалось шипение фреоновой системы охлаждения. Генераторы внизу производили постоянный низкочастотный гул, что делало акустику в шифровалке какой-то загробной, присущей миру призраков.
ТРАНСТЕКСТ, подобно всем великим технологическим достижениям, появился на свет в силу необходимости. В 1980-е годы АНБ стало свидетелем революции в сфере телекоммуникаций, которой было суждено навсегда изменить весь мир разведывательной деятельности, - имеется в виду широкая доступность Интернета, а если говорить конкретнее - появление электронной почты.
Чутье мне подсказывает. - Второе, что никогда не ставилось под сомнение, - это чутье Мидж. - Идем, - сказала она, вставая. - Выясним, права ли .